Fencing is an enthusiastic sport. Split-second decisions can make the difference between moving on to the next round or elimination. Fencing venues are loud and over-stimulating. The air is electric with hopes and podium dreams. It’s a pressure cooker. It’s exhilarating. It’s intimidating. It’s everything all at once. As a parent, it is hard to watch your kid lose. It is natural to want to help your child succeed, but overwhelming your fencer with advice or turning every bout into a test rather than an opportunity, takes an already demanding situation and makes it harder. The best tournament support is focused on the athlete’s experience – not the parent’s anxiety. Although what happens on the strip is out of parent’s control, there are things you can do before, during, and after a tournament to set your fencer up for success. 

Remember Your Real Job

Fencing asks a lot of young athletes. Fast decisions, managing the pressure to perform in front of parents and coaches, accepting losses gracefully, and learning from each bout. However, sometimes the pressure to perform is greatest from “supportive” parents.

In the heat of competition, parents can lose sight of the reasons they wanted their kids to start fencing. When my kids started fencing, we wanted two things: move their bodies in an athletic way and make friends. That’s it. We weren’t thinking about national rankings, chasing points, or potential college scholarships. When the pressure on the strip is too much. It is my job to remember why we started fencing in the first place. 

Know Your Fencer, Know Yourself

The most valuable parental support often happens before the fencing begins. Help your athlete pack the night before, check that weapons and cords are working, bring water and snacks, and arrive early enough to avoid panic. Once you are in the venue, support a practical routine: find check-in, confirm the event time, locate the strip, and then step back.

My fencer likes to check equipment the night before, have a slow start in the morning, and arrive early at the venue. When we stick to this routine, we usually arrive at the strip relaxed and focused. 

There is nothing more stressful than fencing at 8am and having to outrun the masses to the equipment check line – a scenario we experienced at the Las Vegas NAC last season. We arrived in Vegas with enough time to check equipment the night before, but due to poor planning on my part, I got tickets to a show instead. The morning of the event found us and dozens of other latecomers literally trying to outrun each other so we could make it to the strip on time. Lesson learned. 

Stay Frosty

I did not grow up playing sports. Although I have sat through many fencing tournaments, run our local bout committee, and record for video review, I am not a fencer. At tournaments, the coach should be the primary source of technical and tactical feedback. If a parent is also calling out instructions from the end of the strip, the fencer may feel pulled in two directions. Even well-meaning comments like “attack more,” “stop backing up,” or “find the distance” can distract an athlete who is trying to process the referee, the score, the opponent, and their coach’s plan.

If your child asks for fencing advice and the coach is available, redirect: “That is a great question for your coach.” If no coach is present, keep comments process-based rather than technical: “What would coach tell you to do?” “Stay frosty,” or “One touch at a time.” These reminders help without trying to control the bout from outside the strip.

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

Between bouts, young athletes often need food, water, quiet, and reassurance more than analysis. Start with needs, not performance: “Do you need water?” “Do you want a minute?” If they want to talk, ask open questions: “What did you notice?” or “What do you want to try next?” These questions build ownership and help a fencer learn to think independently.

When emotions run high, resist the urge to fix everything immediately. A tough loss can be a powerful teacher, but only after the athlete has settled. It is counterproductive for a parent to unload their frustrations and critiques on their fencer in the heat of the moment. A simple “I’m proud of how you kept trying” is often better than a detailed breakdown of what went wrong.

Get Ice Cream

We have a post tournament ritual that the whole family loves; we go out for ice cream. We often repeat it like a mantra if a bout isn’t going our way, “No matter what, we are getting ice cream after this.” After the tournament, with an ice cream cone in hand, it is easier to focus on life lessons, resilience, and positive support rather than only on winning. Ice Cream allows the first conversation to be about connection, not correction. Try: “I loved watching you fence today,” or “What part of the day are you proud of?” If they want feedback, let them lead. If they do not, save analysis for practice, where the coach can turn lessons into training.